30 December 2009


The day we said goodbye wasn’t the time I saw you biking with your surfboard on your block. I think it was that time I biked home from the library at midnight in 30 degree weather. I had forgotten the route I’d taken a thousand times and ended up by the beaming lights. It wasn’t the ocean wind that blew me away. I think it was realizing that because our language is tacit, we’d know each other long after we’d part. Like a song that circles the island after the crowd's gone home, you're the silver lining of every ___ tale.

28 December 2009


Although I was fully clothed, I felt as naked as a child, waking up in the morning to a beginning of a different kind. Suddenly surprised by a beautiful song about the inevitable ending written for the likes of girls such as myself, I was in the midst of living out another fantasy. The song wasn’t for me or even for impressing me, but for just another body to acknowledge it was being played. I did not want to feed into the burden of want, where someone else would hold all the tickets.

The strings sounded like they would give out when the sun would finally be ready to touch my skin. The lack of shade from the windows gave me the feeling of struggling to live somewhere between the forgotten moon and the fragile morning light.

27 December 2009

arsenic and old lace

the story of romanian serial killer vera renczi goes something like this. vera fell in love and married men at various times in her life. each would disappear from sight after she suspected they were about to leave her. but she was actually poisoning them with arsenic and putting their bodies in coffins stored in her wine cellar. there were 32 of them in total. at times, she would sit in the cellar to pense, surrounded by all her lovers.

some may say vera was an artist. whitley strieber wrote a vampire-themed back loosely based on her. and she inspired the playwright joseph kesselring to write arsenic and old lace.

25 December 2009

if you're sad, and like beer, i'm your lady

isabella is a cancer. who knew

when i open my mouth you can see 25 cavities

i'll never forget what he said to me after our saturday meeting. we had just all presented our projects and i'd gone home for lunch. he then texted me and i called him back to tell him how much i enjoyed seeing his project. then i told him it was first time i'd done such a thing and how strange my presentation was. in turn, he said, "there were definitely ones much worse than yours." i didn't take it as an insult, perhaps it was even beyond a compliment. in many in ways, i was untouchable to him. but all those ties that we hid behind cleared the way for the type of honesty usually only shared between the closest of friends.

24 December 2009

in a hartbeat

all my urges of youth could be summed up in that moment. i had just come from a composting meeting and had time to wait for the sun to go down. i walked to the library and first sat on the concrete stoops outside the study room. that morning, i had put on my favorite elf shoes and button-less cardigan, the one my friends called 'that homeless one.' i jumped onto the metal railing right in front of the library and swung my legs in front of me. the position i was sitting suddenly made me feel very small, the same smallness you'd feel cruising around a different country. the sun became a calm glaze as i inhaled a portion of a stick. its potency took me by surprise. as i tilted my head up to look at the ocean wind circling the sky, he walked out from behind the library's opaque door. it was only 4 in the afternoon but the whole town had cleared out just for us. he looked at me in disbelief as i exhaled, my breath gliding safely throughout our coastal town.

growing ugly

There I was that night, seeing him in a photograph wearing a purple scarf. It wasn’t the same purple scarf I had worn all throughout college. It was quite different. His scarf was more pallid and coarse. Though it actually looked softer from a certain angle. His face had changed a bit as well. It was rounder and also bigger. Back then, he looked like a gap-toothed porcelain doll. Now he’s just a boy with a big face. A feeling of satisfaction snuck up on me, taking over my eyes and then my lips. I couldn’t believe how he had changed – his beauty used to be next to only that of a girl. Well maybe it was the rare tenuous type of beauty that when touched, crumpled open like a ball of used tissues. Tissues that can't leave a maudlin girl's wet hands.

22 December 2009

conjuring a conflagration for the callow coquette

upon arrival at the pizza bar, cleare completely capitulated herself to josh. he was a capricious womanizer, with a cadaverous brunette to the left and the crestfallen cleare to the right. why, she wondered, was he the callow coquette he had become? after all, he did have congenital characteristics such as short arms and a large face. before the night was over, cleare's thoughts took a circuitous turn as she circumambulated around josh's pizzas. she decided she would castigate him by setting his pizza bar on fire. ah the feeling of sending a man to his chasm without clemency or compunction. taking a final look at the conflagration she had conjured, cleare complacently walked back to her table to sit with her concentric friends as they shared a confluence of a laugh.

autonomy for the abject romantic

as she waited for the storm to abate, amity began to adjure herself to forget about him. over the past few weeks, she had developed a new-found sense of animus toward the penis of her former amatory lover. she really took to mind that cate had abdicated her friendship to shan and also abjured to never speak to him again on her dear friend's behalf. on the other hand, amity could feel the accretion of tension build up from her abstention. and she had really taken a step to abrogate the old apartheid. just as it stopped raining, amity told herself she was the archetype of an abject romantic.

18 December 2009

i need a festivus miracle

this test is driving me crazy. i feel like precious time is passing and soon my youth will be over but i'm wobbling over this test and school and living here. i can't wait until this test is over so i can check the following off my list:

- go to santa barbara in january, hopefully with k to see c
- maybe make a trip to see cleare in february
- go visit j-p and see m too in march
- april is the big month! earth day in isla vista and also 420. plus c-valley!

17 December 2009

what it feels like for a girl

this is what i feel like daily, living in los angeles. halfway out the window.

taken from lookbook.

16 December 2009

a royal asshole

watch as jeff gets vexed by the trumpet.

f was probably the biggest asshole to land in isla vista and i had the misfortune of knowing him. but he introduced me to jeff mangum and chelsea boots, which almost made it worth it.

14 December 2009

my own silvia

l'amour, elle est belle, elle est cruelle. i found 4 white hairs on my head today. maybe i'll start to look like rogue from sex-men.

today i did things a bit differently

in the morning, i had tea from a bag instead of crumpled up like hash balls. and i made apple crêpes instead of apple pancakes. i gave patti smith a rest and listened to the smiths. instead of central air/heat, i turned on a small radiator i found in the garage. then i put on long johns from patagonia instead of sweatpants. i decided to transfer my exam words from a long yellow notepad onto a small white notepad. i took a 30-min break from exams and watched 'genital hospital' - i think james franco/jason morgan will be the 1st gay storyline on the show. i think i'll cook some ratatouille crêpes for dinner.

09 December 2009

a misses c+c!

this one is still on her face

i loved those jupe shoes dearly

the sharp pain of having a hot man penetrate my face with a needle was the best feeling in the world. it felt so damn good i tried more with different men.

nice bra!

stiff faces post-op

07 December 2009

asiatic bittersweet

each fruit is an ecological timebomb

05 December 2009


as i prepare now to get some recoms for more school, i remember again how much i loved learning about the environment during my college years. if not conducive to anything else (aka job), my time in the classroom definitely helped me find my joie de vivre.

some of my favorite professors - who taught me that once you find thatis within yourself, your are much like a potent potable:

marc mcginnes - environmental law - marc is one in a billion! i was fortunate enough to be in the last class he taught before retiring. he would come to class dressed up as an 'alien' and criticize humans. after the final exam, we all stood in a circle around the fire pit outside and he chanted about everyone being one - that was the exact moment when i knew i'd fallen in love with the environment.

david cleveland - world agriculture - i loved learning about ag and small-scale farming from this guy - watching how happy he was while he lectured was encouraging. i'm lucky if i'll ever have half the passion and kindness this man has. i don't know how but he knew my name and i keep seeing him around the food co-op. he called me a "star student!"

paul wack - environmental planning - this man loved planning. he showed us a pic of him in his 20's when he 1st started out - he was smiling ear-to-ear then as he is now. he really inspired me and cleare to see planning as a career. and his film class was the last ES class i ever took - totally blew my mind man - i was really inspired by all the blue horizons kids in the class who loved the films more than even i did.

WORST PERSON EVER: Eric Zimmerman - our dept adviser - not only did he not give any of us any advice on any jobs, he made me feel like a dumbass for asking him any questions.


today i listened to patti and did another stack of exam cards. patti's so rad.

04 December 2009

international dateline

today i entered my bedroom to realize my bed takes up more than half the room. and i also have 2 desks. others than these things, there's only enough space for one person to stand comfortably in the room. maybe the other person is waking up right now saturday morning in tonga.

vie heroique

cher cleare, des lèvres

michael avec les lèvres rouges

deck avec les lèvres succulentes

03 December 2009

marion et guillaume: cap ou pas cap

je n'avais rien vu deux personnes si heureuses.

02 December 2009


i loved her melancholy days with damien rice during her early 20's

she's 28 now. she said her split with damien was the best thing that's ever happened to her. i have to say she's a bit of a plain jane now.

01 December 2009

la racine de la vie

Phèdre de Jean Racine m'enseigne l'amour, c'est la mort. Regarde ici.

29 November 2009

les lettres d'amour

c'est chouette, ce film de jean

25 November 2009

boy from the valley

the moment she heard his voice again she stepped outside. her tears frozen, dotting along the coast, as salty as their home by the ocean. she remembered how his hair, the color of sand during high tide, flowed past her face as they rode along the bike lane home at night. he used to say, "hi, i'm M" and introduce himself to her friends with glasses on his doll face. as fresh as any page out of paris spleen, the smell of his warm gentle breath is as far away as nowhere.

20 November 2009

cleare, t'es où?

voici ton favori, thomas et deck. they are so fucking hot.

18 November 2009

parfum exotique

Quand, les deux yeux fermés, en un soir chaud d'automne,
Je respire l'odeur de ton sein chaleureux,
Je vois se dérouler des rivages heureux
Qu'éblouissent les feux d'un soleil monotone;

Une île paresseuse où la nature donne
Des arbres singuliers et des fruits savoureux;
Des hommes dont le corps est mince et vigoureux,
Et des femmes dont l'oeil par sa franchise étonne.

Guidé par ton odeur vers de charmants climats,
Je vois un port rempli de voiles et de mâts
Encor tout fatigués par la vague marine,

Pendant que le parfum des verts tamariniers,
Qui circule dans l'air et m'enfle la narine,
Se mêle dans mon âme au chant des mariniers.


17 November 2009

maya / chan



11 November 2009

j'aime julia

i stumbled upon julia's work flipping through shit 2 years ago. she is totally rad.

09 November 2009

LA Fashion Week: Fremont S/S 2010

hope you like my story!

Photography by Casino Nelson.

08 November 2009

le déjeuner

today's harvest!

baked hazelnutz

newly sprouted red lentils

05 November 2009

15 October 2009

no trail left behind (hopefully)

All I really want in life is to live in a compact space with maybe two good friends and have fresh air and temperate weather. We’d be close to lots of open space for hiking and cycling and living mainly, esp for Morning to run around during the day. We’d at least have a trader’s and a farmer’s and hopefully a small natural foods shop with a few tables. And some young folks nearby would be nice. It’d be important to have access to good public transportation and maybe some thrift shops. And for me to deserve this ideal lifestyle, I cannot bring any new child onto this planet. So when I begin from this starting point, I know that this type of life is not too much to ask for at all.

11 October 2009

un oeuf

elle a voulu lui dit qu'elle sera ici pour toujours. mais comme une petite fille, elle a fermée la bouche et a écouté seulement.

comme il veut, la nuit devient le matin. mais quand la nuit s'élève encore, il écoutera pour ses pas doux.

01 September 2009


formerly ugly but now are smokin hot

30 August 2009

des pêches mode

peaches were 3.49 a pound. and around mid-august when the farms along the central valley grew lots we'd get them on sale for 2.99. we'd buy them one at a time, sometimes after class and sometimes before dinner. we'd sit at the little blue bench and watch people go in and out of the co-op. each peach tasted like an only child born from the earth.

i took a boy there once to share a peach with. he said "this is a delicious peach!" we never really spoke again after that. i had given him the cheapest token of happiness i had found; i had nothing else left to offer.

i thought about these delicious daily peaches as i bought a whole bag for 5.00 at the farmer's market today.

28 August 2009

jock sturges

photographe naturaliste de montalivet

25 August 2009

dit marion!

Marion at the Dior ss10 show.

16 August 2009

slightly retarded but really beautiful

Joanna and Miranda Celebrate Rodarte's SS09 Collection

14 August 2009

le weekend!

devendra's shoes are nice!

10 August 2009

we listened to this cd everyday

a year ago cleare and i spent our last summer in sb. we got up at 10am and had tons of hash before biking to cartography class each day. we had biked through the last days of the old isla vista before the awful construction. at night we'd go to environmental film to watch planet earth and such. we'd come home and sit in our 10x10' room and eat our tofu scramble. when i think about it now it's like i'm standing on a wall and aiming to jump back into this tiny beautiful hole.

05 August 2009

sa coeur d'or

je le regarde comme il boit. il boit du bourbon and de sa femme. il y a beaucoup de vignobles pour traverser, des raisins pour choisir.

31 July 2009

have a pleasant weekend!

erica and i are going to bike with a critical mass in la today! it will be my first critical mass in la!

18 May 2009

i've been to hollywood i've been to redwood

and i'm getting old

21 April 2009

04 April 2009

michael / jamie

fair-featured men like horse-faced women

15 March 2009

dear chair

i am going to take a vacation. it'll be like walking down a sidewalk with no boundaries.

06 March 2009

dream / nightmare

i had this dream last night i was at a party at la fitness. i went into the bathroom and found some weed spread out on the ground between 3 toilet stalls. i was rather excited and thinking "is this a dream?" as i stooped and scooped it into my little container. it wasn't that fresh, but it was free. i put everything into a backpack and left it outside while i worked out. but then i noticed a cop and his sniff dog walking by. the dog started barking once he smelled my bag. i quickly grabbed it and flushed my green container and its contents into the same toilet where i'd found my new stash. as i dumped it, i thought to myself "this is how life ends." once you finally find something you're excited about, it's worthless b/c it'll be your time to die.

05 March 2009

miranda in space

cliquer ici pour lirer

17 February 2009

i made thursday's feature article!

i'm thinking about which other planet to move to. but until then, i'm pretty excited about this.

ze zound

i guess i can't say everything in LA stinks.

a few months ago, i discovered 100.3 fm "the sound" in los angeles. probably the best radio station i've heard my entire life. they play songs from '60s - now. a good variety.

the lovin' spoonful, spoon, jack johnson, jackson browne, the beatles, the eagles, tom petty, thom yorke, blondie, stevie, david bowie, david byrne.

so good.

15 February 2009

los angeles fashion week SS09 at boxeight

je sais pas qui veuille ceux-ci porter. mais j'aime bien de regarder - d'une autre planète.

yotam solomon

brian lichtenberg

06 February 2009

los angeles fashion week SS09 at smashbox

this took place last october in culver city. almost every line was way ugly. i liked Tulle and Cloth Logic though. i took some low-quality pics with my non-slr camera.