none of our secrets are physical

the only stable interaction i've had with a human boy has been sans direct communication. none have ever left me bitter or sadistic. there's never a first time, nor a last for anything. but the sight of each other itself is like an earthquake. like when s showed me his chipped teeth the day he sat right across from me at carillo. or when j biked past me in the rain and acknowledged my presence with his un-open lips. each of these moments were like reading a book with no end.