the village green

we have an amazing garden. tonight i saw that the tomato plants had grown from a petite cauliflower size into a huge afro literally after a week! it's a miracle they didn't perish during winter at all; but they were barely alive. and there's this peach tree too that grew so fast its branches are still green. it's now taller than the house - with sour-y sweet flowers. the rose bush has different color flowers every season. sometimes they're yellow and pink, sometimes they're bright pink. i chased little morning around the yard for a while and then saw that the neighbor's 50-yr-old black cat was standing above the wall at the very corner with its mouth open.

crimson and clover

clearing out the 'bird' playlist today was like clearing my mind of the last few months. i cooked chick peas with basil and it smelled like we were going to walk on over to the garage after dinner like any other night. like today was the calm before the storm.

it's like this city is the opposite of abbey's lone desert house - full of people, void of time. then again, the rain comes down on sunny days in la.

BOXeight fashion week a/w 2010: kanvis

pms

i remember passing by our local ems from time to time during high school. this store was one of the spots kids from school got their l.l.bean backpacks with their initials or their north face jackets (north face is so over-rated and poorly made, totally second class to patagonia). i drove by with my ma at least once a week, usu after SAT class at the boys school on saturdays. once i waited an hour for my ma to pick me up after SAT class. i was just thankful my neighbor didn't decide to carpool with me that day, or she would've had to wait an hour to get home too. this was the same neighbor who ditched me at the bus stop when she saw something faster come along. she got a ride from a friend from our summer school class - my bus and her ride ended up arriving on our block at the same time.

last week i saw this old ems plastic bag in my ma's car. it must've been at least 6 years old. i thought i was sure no one in my family's ever been inside that place. then a few days later i saw the same bag being used to catch garbage in the kitchen. i took a photo of it so i could stow it away like another useless memory from the past - like that neighbor or SAT class.

lille of the valley

i had eggplants and pickles for lunch today and went to the library to read "notebooks" for a while. camus says comparison leads to suffering - which really is true. if outlets like facebook didn't exist, we'd think about ourselves more and carry out our own lives a bit better.

then i walked from memorial park to old town and sat at the same bus bench i used to everyday when i worked at patagonia - must have been 3 years the last time i sat there. then i got off at main street and walked to the gym. probably also around 3 years since i walked down that street. i've never noticed before but the place is a total hubbub for certain crowds. strangely there's a bunch of dance and art studios along main street. i passed by the theatre where i went to see a film with a pal once. inside the gym i did the steps/aerobics class and for the first time, i put plastic bricks under my step as a challenge, finding that it actually made things easier.

none of our secrets are physical

the only stable interaction i've had with a human boy has been sans direct communication. none have ever left me bitter or sadistic. there's never a first time, nor a last for anything. but the sight of each other itself is like an earthquake. like when s showed me his chipped teeth the day he sat right across from me at carillo. or when j biked past me in the rain and acknowledged my presence with his un-open lips. each of these moments were like reading a book with no end.

sweet piss

when i woke up today it was still raining from the night before. and when i looked outside while discovering the story of tom and summer it was gloomy. but i learned, rather quickly, that to look back you've to force yourself to see it all. that way, i would realize what a big mistake i'd made by bending down to look at the pebbles in the shallow water. and i felt silly that i'd not known summer had already become autumn while i was scraping pond rocks from my boots. by 4pm, the sky had cleared for the sun to shine for an hour until it would set.